i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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