so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So vagazzling was a success
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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