the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
