I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
