go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize