she was so not down for the gang bang
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
