I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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