I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.