Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs

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  (559): Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs http://tfl.nu/r642
  Replies (18) Good night (2727) Bad night (624)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2855) Bad night (902)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

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  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (6454) Bad night (1207)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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  (863): If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat. http://tfl.nu/9rvo
  Replies (21) Good night (1040) Bad night (3750)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

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  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (3055) Bad night (7187)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.

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  (281): I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/jw0e
  Replies (5) Good night (2392) Bad night (1636)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yes and yes

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  (920): Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend? (1-920): Yes and yes http://tfl.nu/cdzo
  Replies (5) Good night (2247) Bad night (872)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods

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  (419): Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods http://tfl.nu/bin2
  Replies (4) Good night (1105) Bad night (487)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.

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  (570): Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends. http://tfl.nu/utpt
  Replies (5) Good night (426) Bad night (930)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.

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  (505): I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked. http://tfl.nu/byyl
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (360)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.

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  (312): His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30. http://tfl.nu/n2s4
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (729)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?

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  (201): Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school? (1-201): Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator? http://tfl.nu/6fl4
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (394)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.

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  (506): We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true. http://tfl.nu/0lim
  Replies (0) Good night (434) Bad night (242)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.

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  (918): I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser. http://tfl.nu/z7g4
  Replies (2) Good night (410) Bad night (208)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil

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  (778): You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil http://tfl.nu/4q8x
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (126)

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