if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.