so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest