I wish life had little blips of pornography
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life