his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running