His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
