I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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