you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
