did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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