Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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