stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
