True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Panties = found
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
