____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
