just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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