awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
