Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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