I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
