Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
