tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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