i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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