I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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