the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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