I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
