My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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