he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
