We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
