Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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