their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
