I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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