I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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