My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He felt like a one man threesome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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