is your mom at the bar?
I got chris browned last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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