I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
