I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
