I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
