If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
