i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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