the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
