I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My vagina just recognized that song.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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