I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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