you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
