the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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