she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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