I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
