Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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