You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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