i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
