I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
