Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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