Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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